First Up, I'm Nicks younger and better-looking 62-year-young Uncle who lives in Spain....

Second Up, I thought IT stands for Incontinence Tremor

Third Up, Nick is my Internet Hero, having developed and set-up davelitten.com in a heartbeat

Fourth Up. I don't understand ANYTHING that you techie-hero's write on this site. So the only thing I can add is a *joke*

Fifth Up. I'd rather end my days with Parkinson's Disease than Alzheimer's - WHY? It's better to spill a little of your Jack Daniels -- than to forget where you stashed it.....

If you don't think it's funny -- you can blame Nick for having such crappy UK/Spanish relatives.....

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Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 

But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. 

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove bathroom stains.

I can no longer buy gas without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone

bill with calls to either:

• Jamaica
• Uganda 
• Singapore 
• Uzbekistan
• etc....

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me an instant agonising death when it bites my butt.

I can't even pick up the $10.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician (Nicks Wife...or I'm sure...someone's wife....)

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Merry Christmas one and all…….. Uncle Buck - Dave Litten